Falling in love with your best friend seems to be the relationship ideal these days; you were friends for months and shared your deepest darkest secrets. You even cried on his shoulder over other lads, blissfully unaware of the romance blossoming between you, until one day, one way or another, it all comes out and you've been living happily ever after since. But did you fall in love with your best friend? Were you really blissfully unaware or was there always something more between you?
I always said that what I loved about my relationship was that we were friends first, we got to know each other honestly and truthfully and we shared a lot before we were actually 'together'. It kind of made me feel like I knew him better, the real him. Because when you're friends with someone, you get to know the real person, there's never any reason to hide anything; you're not trying to impress them, you're just yourself. But when I think back, there was always something more. As sickly and cliché as it sounds, I was definitely smitten with him the first time I met him. I made an effort around him, I wanted to impress him and whenever he complimented me, I beamed about it for hours. Although friendly, the feelings I had for him were not on the same level as the ones I had with my girls. I didn't rally round my best girl friend trying to look nice. And these feelings, they weren't the same as the ones I had with other male friends who I knew 100% really were, just my friends. Whilst those feelings got pushed aside, they were still always there in the back of my mind.
Yesterday my friend told me she wanted to be with someone who was 'like a best friend' and she started talking about a lad she had known for years, nothing had ever happened between them but they were close and 'always flirted' when they were with each other. I couldn't help but question whether he was a 'best friend' or this other, middle-ground species of man - not just a friend but also not a boyfriend. It got me thinking that this kind of pre-relationship relationship seems to be idealised, everyone loves a 'we were best friends for years before we were together!' story, but is the whole concept of it a myth? It all comes back down to whether men and women can really be friends. I think they can, as long as there's no mutual attraction...
If you're both single, you're both attracted to each other, you like each other and get on well as friends...what box is left to tick? Is it not inevitable that something may happen at some point?
The real question is whether you would act like this with someone who really was 'just a friend' or 'like a brother'. You wouldn't flirt with your brother or your girl mates, that's for sure.
I feel like most of the time, in this kind of situation, you know there is something more and you know there's something that sets this person aside from your actual 'best friends'. But isn't that the appealing part? Isn't that what makes the whole thing exciting? Knowing there's something between you but enjoying this stage of the game where maybe you're not ready for it to be a relationship, but the foundation of your friendship is based on a flirty and care-free possibility of something more. In my opinion, you don't fall in love with your best friend, you fall in love with a person who you know can be both - someone you can confide in and trust like a best friend but equally importantly, someone who ticks all your boxes and makes you feel something that no platonic friend ever could.
xox
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