Things Twenty-Something Women Think At Weddings

When you’re a little girl, going to a wedding is the kind of experience similar to going to Disney Land. It’s exciting, there’s always a princess bride and there’s usually lots of kids running around screaming. But whatever wedding you go to – that will be it - the starting point for the imaginations of little girls everywhere. Because from this point onwards, we will picture our own weddings: our own dresses, our own flowers. What on earth would we have our bridesmaids wearing? What colour would their dresses be? If I’m being completely honest, the last thing I ever thought of was who I would actually be marrying. He had no face – just a faceless man to fit in around the dresses and the cake. At seven-years-old – we have time to find the face – but planning a wedding isn’t something that starts down on one knee. Maybe for a man (do they do any of the planning anyway?) but for us girls, it’s a lifelong concern.  At my first wedding I was a bridesmaid and all I can remember from the experience was my mum volunteering me to have the broken hairpiece (cheers mum) and also walking down the aisle making a mental list of all the things I wouldn’t have at my own wedding. Like the sit down meal. And the fifteen bridesmaids, and the aisle - which I felt was just too short.

Now, at twenty-one, shit is getting real. I don’t mean I’m planning a wedding any time soon, but weddings are becoming a more frequent addition to the calendar, engagements of girls I knew from High School are popping up all over Facebook and I can almost count on two hands the number of engagement rings I’ve coo’ed over in the last two months.

There are a certain number of things we girls will inevitably think at a wedding – here’s a few…

1. The dress. I’m so excited. What will it be like? What shape? White? Lacey? Bandeau? What -  WHAT will the dress be like?

2. What will my dress be like? White, lacey, NOT bandeau. I want to look like Kate Middleton on my wedding day. Or Pippa – she looked good too.

3. Who are all these people and why have we never met them before?

4. When can we start drinking I wonder? Probably not in the church but when?

5. Actually never mind drinking, what’s the food situation?

6. The groom looks so nervous.

7. Imagine if you fainted on your wedding day at the altar?

8.  People must actually get married in torrential rain. Like, it must happen sometimes. But how would you know? It could rain any day and what if you were wearing fake tan?

9.  Going abroad could be a good idea, but would all your friends and family travel?

10.  I hate the dress. Now that is exactly the dress I would not wear at my wedding.

11. I LOVE THAT DRESS. I feel like I’m going to squeal I love it so much. I NEED to know everything about it as soon as she gets a minute.

12.  I wonder what shoes she’s got on under the dress, and also if they’re not visible – do you have to wear heels?

13.  But then it is your wedding and if you were gonna’ wear heels for something surely it would be for your wedding?

14.  I don’t like the colour of the bridesmaids’ dresses. I really have no idea what colour I would have. I can’t think of any colour. What will I do if I literally can’t think of a colour?

15.  This so cute I’m going to cry.

16.  I wonder whether it will be a buffet or a sit down thing?

17. There’s a lot of people here…I hope there’s enough food to go round…

18. Free bar I wonder?

19. There are a lot of bad suits in this church.

20. Why can’t men tie ties? Why?

21.  I wonder who picks the suit, the bride or the groom. I think I would want to plan everything, I wouldn’t leave something that big to him. No way.

22. YES - BUFFET

23.  I need wine.

24. I just want to get married

25. How do people even afford weddings?

26. Do the bride’s parents still pay for the wedding?! Is that even still a thing?!

27. Yeah, I’ll have another wine.

28. I wonder when she’s throwing the bouquet?

29.  I’m not going to try and catch it – you definitely have to be at least 23 to try and catch the bouquet.

30.  I can’t believe that woman is sounding off because she didn’t catch the bouquet…

31. Wow I’ve eaten too much. 

32. Cake you say?

33. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m having sponge at my wedding and that’s that. I can’t be dealing with fruit cake and marzipan.

34. I want to be a bride now.

35. It must be sad when your wedding day is nearly over.

36.  I bet that’s why people renew their vows.

37. Yeah, I’ll have another drink. 

38. If I didn’t get proposed to in the right way, I just don’t know if I could say yes even if I did want to get married. If they don’t know you well enough to know how you would want to be proposed to, then should you be getting married?

39.  Same with the ring. Gotta be right.

40. Today has been so lovely.

41. I wanna get married. Not yet but I do.

42. Why are they taking the buffet away there’s still stuff left?

43. More wine it is then…