Women are forever analysing different types
of men. In the same way lads will sit and discuss women’s bodies, much to our
horror and complete disapproval that is, women will quite happily sit with a
bottle of wine and a packet of Cadbury Twirl bites, and discuss their
commitment phobe/too nice/cheating/controlling/hard-to-get ex-boyfriends until
there’s nothing left to analyse – if that’s even possible.
There’s always a reason why you break up
with someone – ‘he cheated’, ‘he was too nice to me’, ‘he couldn’t commit properly’
- every ex is categorised until you find the one who doesn’t fall into any of
the above – he’s just right for you and that’s why you’re with him now. But yesterday
I had a revelation – a whole new tick box for us to ponder over all night long.
Maybe I’m just behind – maybe this lad has
been a discovered species for some time – but nevertheless, I was sat around a
table of women, when one asked another why she had recently split up with her
(ex) boyfriend. I had never seen someone deter so bluntly from skirting around
an issue:
“If I’m being completely honest, he made me
laugh so much for the first few months, but when that novelty wore off, I realised
I really didn’t fancy him. At all.”
Ouch hun. But the girl was just being
honest – haven’t we all been there before?
After she told us, I felt sorry for her –
she looked embarrassed, as if we were thinking she was a heartless bitch. But
we weren’t. We were staring in awe because our minds were buzzing with memories
of ex’s, friend’s ex’s, boyfriends of colleagues, even our next-door
neighbour’s sister’s housemate who had gone through the same thing.
The one who laughs you into bed. Why had we
never realised his existence before?
The kind of guy who you would never
initially find attractive, but after a lot of time spent with his hilarious
personality, somehow, chemistry appears from nowhere and you can’t shake it. It’s
usually at a time when you’re feeling most vulnerable – maybe after going
through a break-up – you want something you’ve never had before and although
you may not realise it at the time, that something is a lad you don’t fancy the
pants off, who buys Penguins for the jokes on the wrapper. What’s wrong with
that?
The more the jokes keep coming, the more
you like him. Your friends don’t understand and if you’re being honest, you
don’t either. But you’ve been through a lot so they’re not gonna question your
choices now. You get drunk and hear yourself admitting, “I don’t even know why
I like him, there’s just something there” and instantly, you’re lured into a
false sense of lust. One minute you’re laughing; the next minute you’re waking
up next to him, four weeks in and thinking you’ve fallen in love with your best
friend. Who wouldn’t want that?
The problem with he who laughs you into
bed, is that you don’t really fancy him. If it were just the two of you on the
planet then it might work out, but there are lads out there who you are attracted
to, and the longer it goes on, the quicker you realise you don’t see him in the
same way and as much as you don’t want to, as guilty as you may feel, you start
to compare. The problem is, is that he isn’t your best friend and soon, all the
confusion you felt at the start, jigsaws nicely into place. And you don’t even
find him funny anymore. Ooops?
Once you realise it’s doomed, it dawns on
you that you’ve lost a friend and increased your number of sexual partners by
one. You can’t help but feel it was such a waste. Damn.
A focus on aesthetics is often seen as
shallow – but it’s so necessary. It doesn’t make you a bad person if ‘finds him
attractive’ is top of your list in what you want from a lad. It’s just logical,
it just makes sense. Everyone is attracted to someone – something to do with
pheromones, apparently. You have to be attracted to your partner – it’s just
science isn’t it? Ask yourself this: If he had a crap personality – would you
still want to tear his clothes off? No, because what would be left? There’s
someone out there for him, and there’s someone out there for you too - someone
who ticks all of your boxes. xox
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