So in the last couple of days I have read a few articles about men and women in nightclubs/bars and their behaviour/chat up lines. One thing that persistently cropped up was the criticism of women for telling a man, "I have a boyfriend" before the poor lad has even rested his drink on the bar.
They just wanted a conversation. Why do we assume they're trying to chat us up? Can a man not approach a woman at a bar/in a nightclub without the immediate assumption he's after more than a leisurely chit chat?
Erm I'm sorry, but no. We are right to assume.
I'm sorry to say it, and I'm sorry to any man who has been thrown this statement prematurely, to any man who did want a leisurely chit chat, but 99% of the time, "I have a boyfriend" is a sooner-the-better piece of information. For two reasons.
Lets be honest, for the majority of men, approaching a woman in a bar means one thing. He likes the look of her and he's moving in. Nothing wrong with that, but if she's got a boyfriend and she's a decent kind of girl, firstly, she doesn't want to be having a long conversation with a random fella, she probably just wants a night with the girls and secondly, she doesn't want to waste his time, for him to realise three vodka doubles later (for her and all her mates) that er actually she's with someone and he's been well and truly rinsed. So if she tells you she has a boyfriend, she's not being rude, she's just being straight up, trying not to waste your time...and hers.
Secondly, put yourself in her shoes. Say you do want to make a move on this girl, you're gonna be pissed off if she fails to mention she's already loved up. I've been in both situations before: the first time, I was approached and the guy asked me if I wanted a drink, to which I replied, "I'm okay, thank you though, I have a boyfriend..." I thought I was doing him a favour but he got pretty shirty with me and said "woah I was just asking if you wanted a drink" and slouched off. I actually felt quite embarrassed, as if I'd wrongly assumed he was trying to chat me up. The next time there was a big group of us, mutual friends etc, and one of the lads who was a friend of a friend started talking to me, just normal conversation-y things. I obviously thought it was platonic because everyone in the group was chatting, but after half an hour, my boyfriend came up in conversation and he was absolutely outraged. "Oh. You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend."
WHAT IS A GIRL TO DO?!
I'd imagine most guys would rather know sooner rather than later whether the girl was single or not, so why complain when we tell you straight away?! I feel like the best option is to be straight up, even if he does storm off. After all, who cares, you're probably never gonna see him again and it's him who looks like the idiot, not you. As a second option, I'd say dropping your boyfriend into conversation early on works too; you're not being too blunt and direct, but you are making sure he knows you're not interested.
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