She told me afterwards she always knew that
one day, he would break her heart forever, that everything they had and
everything she had tried her best to ignore would erupt in front of her and she
would be left wondering who she had spent the last two years with and whether
it had been real or whether it had been one big waste of a couple of prime
years.
Two weeks later and she was seeing a guy
who was irritating, averagely attractive and uses Lynx Africa body spray.
I often think that when you leave a
relationship, especially if you’re still head over heels with that person and
you haven’t initiated the break up, you’re left with a mixed bag of feelings:
upset, fear and the massive amount of love you felt for them; love which
somewhere along the road, they lost for you. You don’t know how and you don’t
know why but theirs is gone and you’ve still got yours and that’s not a nice
feeling.
So what do you do with it right? Your girl
columns will tell you to ‘throw yourself into a new hobby or sport’ – what does
that even mean? They’ll tell you to go out and have a cocktail, let your hair
down hun - you deserve it. You did that though and it didn’t make you feel
better. I mean yeah, it was nice for a while but after a few too many your mate
is peeling you off the toilet floor and prizing your mobile out of your hand – ‘cos
you nearly just rang him for the 27th time and somehow, 26 sounds a
whole lot better than 27. You still wake up the next day feeling horrendous –
you’re just as heartbroken as before but now you’ve got the hangover to contend
with too.
Lets cut to the chase – we all know the
only thing that makes you feel slightly better after a break up is attention
from someone else. It cures a whole host of things really – insecurity (he must
have broken up with me ‘cos im fat/ugly/didn’t shave that one time ‘cos I cba),
loneliness and actually just plain boredom.
So you latch onto the first bit of male
attention you find. Your friends are exchanging very odd looks when you tell
them who your new fella is.
That’s ‘cos he isn’t just punching babe,
he’s reaching for the stars and you can do better. And, really, we ain’t just saying that.
Here’s how a rebound works: you’ve got all
those feelings (for your ex) but you don’t know what to do with them, so much
so that you can’t see clearly, hence the rose tinted glasses, and you make silly
decisions, hence Mr Linx Africa.
It’s all fine and dandy till it’s a friend
of a friend’s birthday night out -
you’ve got confirmation he’ll be there and Mr Linx is worried – he knows about
the 27 phone calls last time. Sorry, 26. You tell him and your mates you don’t
care, you’re happy with Linx – he might not be the best looker but he treats
you like a princess and isn’t that what every girl wants? But as you’re
stressing over your outfit and taking an extra half hour to apply your mascara,
you get an inkling you just might have made an extra special effort. You’re
listening to Drunk In Love and your mind’s going crazy, imagining all kinds of
scenarios – you walking in – stunning- him feeling like a fool ‘cos he let you
go. You try and prove to yourself that you don’t care so you only put on one
layer of fake tan – if you cared and really wanted to impress him, tanning up
would be essential.
After one glass at pre-drinks you mention
it to your mate and she says what you both know – if you’re thinking it sober,
you’ll be doing it drunk. Before you know it you’re on the patio and your ex is
all over you like a rash, telling you everything you want to hear and oops –
yep, you’ve kissed him.
The thing with a rebound is that once you
start to see clearly again and realise what’s happened and what you’ve done,
once those glasses come off – you’re the bad guy. You’re not the poor girl
who’s been finished, that’s old news now. Mr Linx has fallen for you, he
thought you had something real but with all this ex kissing and mixed emotions
you start to realise that maybe you just need some time alone, time to be you.
But the damage has been done, and you’ve got a serious case of bad relationship
karma on your hands. Even your ex is ringing you up telling you, ‘you aren’t
the girl I fell in love with’. It’s fair to say it’s been a grim couple of
weeks.
The problem is that rebounds seem to be
essential, it’s like we need someone there or we’ll go insane, but the
consequences are real and people get hurt. You wouldn’t have wished how you
were feeling on your worst enemy, but now, without meaning to, you’ve crushed
an innocent bystander. Everyone’s guilty of a rebound but if possible, I say
avoid – you’re just gonna end up back in the same place anyway and at least you’ve
not got that bad relationship karma to look forward to.
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