Is Tying the Knot at Twenty Like Leaving A Party At Pre-Drinks?

This time fifty-odd years ago, there's a good chance that if I wasn’t already married with a dress to conceal a hefty baby bump, it certainly wouldn’t be long before I was. It would have been unimaginable to sit, the way I had tonight, listening to Hannah compare our marital status’ to an average Saturday night pre-drinks with the girls. 

Just like I would never go home several Jaeger bombs and a bottle of wine later, I would never get married at 21, either.

And that isn’t because I think it’s wrong to get married in your early twenties and it’s not because I have a problem with people who do, either. I may not want to get married at 21, but I’m a big believer in doing whatever you want and making your decisions for you and nobody else.

The reason why I don’t want to get married at 21 is because I don’t want to get married yet. There’s not even a slither of space for marriage – it hasn’t even entered my head as something I will be embarking upon in the near future. In the same way I organise my food shopping, I don’t want to skip to aisle 23 when I haven’t even passed the glossy magazines at the front entrance. But, girls my age - girls I consider to be very similar to myself in a lot of other ways, do want to get married now. Some are married now, and I couldn’t help but wonder why there’s such a sharp divide. I wanted to get to the bottom of the true reasons why I would never want to get married at a young age.

I don’t feel the necessity of it at an age where I’m financially unstable. I want the big dress that I can afford to buy and the perfect reception which I don’t have to budget. I imagine the girls looking beautiful as bridesmaids and a guest list big enough for there to be plenty of men for them to dance with/(let’s face it now) pull. And very importantly, I want a honeymoon, which means I can be a Mediterranean Princess for two weeks. And who cares what that sounds like - it’s your big day and it should be the way you’ve always wanted. After all, haven’t we been planning this since we first discovered Disney's eternal and endless array of princesses? There’s no way on this planet I could fund that kind of wedding now.

Marriage doesn’t secure a neatly laid out life plan, but if I got married now, I feel like life would be a sliding slope towards nappies. I am a massive baby person but, building a career plays a major role, and I always wanted to do that first. In ten years I will be 31 – and I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. So if I do all the things I want to do in the space of two years, instead of ten, sure I may be young, but will I have rushed things?

And what comes after the wedding (apart from the honeymoon)? A couple of years of newly married bliss followed by lots of babies (or three) a few years later? If I walked down the aisle now, I would have done all that by 25. It scares me that I could be 25 with a husband, children and a stack of ironing. Not to mention a Smeg fridge, crammed with organic god-knows-what and a freezer full of fish fingers and smiley faces for emergency evenings where I have no organic foods left to feed my 21^st century nutrition-imposed children.

Of course, none of the above would be an issue, if it wasn’t for the fact that at 21, I don’t entirely feel like I know what I’m doing yet. There are things I’m sure of and things I’m not so sure of. It’s a sort of limbo space between adolescent and adult. Being young gives us an excuse to make mistakes; we’re still learning, we’re still finding our feet and if we trip along the way then it’s okay, we’re forgiven. But marriage isn’t an impulse purchase in Whistles that you can return once you realise you can’t afford your rent. It’s not spending £100 on a night out, or missing the last train home. It’s not falling down a flight of stairs in a nightclub and knocking yourself unconscious - It’s real and it means something and you have to be sure you’re ready. And if I’ve done all of the above in the not-so-distant past, then surely I’m not ready to a) stop doing those things (even though I clearly should for my health) and b) get married.

The age we get married is quickly becoming a debate of our generation, and it gets quite bitchy, but why? There’s such a divide circling the topic; the girls who don’t agree with getting married early, the ones who see no advantage, and the ladies who are either engaged or married already. And of course they will defend their choice- because that’s a decision they’ve made, I'm sure, for a very good reason - one not to be questioned by me or anyone else.

It is interesting, however, that over the age of 25, no one seems to give a second thought. The average age for a woman to be wed in the UK is 28.9 and for men, 30.8. Whether you’re married at 26, 28, 31 – there’s a clear window of time where it’s a non-issue. Sure, if you get over a certain age, there’s the combined sound of biological ticking and voiced concerns of family members which get louder every passing minute, but being under-25 with a ring on your finger and you don’t warrant the same widespread reaction. Congratulations may be in order, but as unfair as it may be, the news can be also quite shocking. And I’ll admit, maybe this is why young women don’t want to get married early, because of the way society may view their choices. Who can blame us? We’re only human and it’s so easy to be dictated by what other people think. Maybe the women who do get married at a young age, just don’t give other people’s opinions a second thought. Hoorah to them, because I couldn’t do it.

My last, and probably most important point which may have been worth mentioning earlier was that I have a boyfriend who definitely doesn’t want to get married yet either. And lets face it, you can plan a wedding without the input of a man, which I fully intend on doing by the way, but you can’t propose to yourself. Maybe it’s not about whose getting married when or how many girls on your Facebook have tied the knot before 22 – maybe it’s about meeting someone who wants the same out of life as you do (at the same time and in the same order). At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you’re on the fast train, you just need to be on the same track and you’re already halfway there.

My Trip to Paris Went a Little Something Like This...

BONJOUR PARIS

As I sat packing for Paris, all I could think about was one thing - Carrie. 

Bradshaw, that is. Strutting along the Seine in her Manolo's, eating croissants and pain-au-chocolat's, visiting museums and exhibitions and still looking fabulous despite the pastry overload.

I knew in reality I would not be strutting around in eight hundred dollar heels. I also knew my pastry consumption would not go unnoticed on the scales, but I was going to Paris with the person I loved the most,  instead of Aleksander Petrovsky - and I couldn't have been more excited to drink red wine, eat cheese and attempt French.

The night before the night before we went I started packing, which is unusual for me as I'm more of a pack-on-the-day kind of gal but, please, this was Paris and I could not take the risk of not knowing what I was wearing and when. Four nights - so I figured preparing nine outfit choices was a safe start. Of course I had one favourite which i wore 60% of the whole trip.

Like any good holiday, there's always one hiccup and for us, this came approximately seven minutes after I had carefully ironed, folded and packed my clothes (again, something I'm not used to). Do people still iron clothes?

Shill had broken his finger. Sounds quite minor, right? Especially because it was his little finger and, well, is it the most necessary one on the most important hand? No. Except that it was an extremely bad break (I've started telling people it had broken clean in half, just for a bit of emphasis) one that needed urgent attention in the form of surgery. 

Before this I wasn't aware that breaking a finger could ever lead to surgery. In fact I thought it was similar to breaking your little toe. Very painful but you just have to crack on with it. Apparently not and the next day, off he went to have a three-hour operation.

Erm. Can I panic now?

After the shakey start - everything turned out okay. A few codeine's and a bagelman later and we were off on our little French adventure...

THE HIGHLIGHTS:

1. THE FOOD - Obviously I was always going to start this with the food. I'm not sure how women in Paris stay slim - there's a constant supply of croissants, bread and cheese everywhere you go. And with Christmas around the corner; mulled wine, German sausages and every kind of festive biscuit and desert you can imagine were practically on tap. Especially crepes/pancakes/waffles/anything smothered in chocolate. We went to an amazing Christmas market in the 7th Arrondissement which had all of the above and more. I actually ended up spending ten euros on 100g of cheese, which, by the way, is a lot of money, for very little cheese, but I was drunk on free samples (and probably mulled wine).  The best restaurant we went to was Sacre Fleur in Montmartre - if you're a steak fan, there's no other place to be. Or if you just want copious amounts of red wine, that's fine too. 

I still can't believe how big the French really are on frog's legs and snails and we couldn't leave Paris without sampling the local delicacies. I had to admit, frog really does taste like chicken and as far as the snails go, all I could think was, you're eating a slug right now. 

2. FRENCH STYLE - We stayed in Hotel Boronali, which was in an area called Montmartre, in the 18th Arrondissement and it was beautiful. The hotel was perfect, they described it as a 'boutique hotel' and it was reasonably small but so lovely. Every time we walked outside, all I could think about was how much I loved the French style and the architecture with the little shutters and French style windows.

And of course, I couldn't go to Paris without walking down the Avenue des Champs-Élysées - if there's one thing I will say about the fashion in Paris is that it made me wish I wore glasses, or at least own a pair of fake ones. Eyewear out there is everywhere and looks fabulous. I also pined for a larger hat collection - hats and glasses are all over Paris. 

3. THE MOULIN ROUGE - We went to the Moulin Rouge on our very first night in Paris and it really was the best possible start to the holiday. It was incredible. The only downside was that for some reason, they ask you to sit opposite each other, instead of next to each other and it was very expensive. We had great seats though, I would recommend getting there early - we got there about forty-five minutes before the show started and we were very close to the front, which was amazing. Probably more amazing if you're a guy - seen as the dancers are topless and very nearly naked 80% of the time! Fabulous, nevertheless.

4. CHRISTMAS AT DISNEYLAND - I never went to Disneyland when I was little (what's that about mum?) so the thought of going, AT CHRISTMAS, made me feel five years old again and I couldn't wait to be a child. Disneyland really is the most surreal place, it's like another world. It was absolutely freezing, however, but I really felt that being there at Christmas did feel very magical.

5. TIME - Anyone in a long-distance relationship, temporary or otherwise, will all agree that to sum up, it's pretty shit. This time last year, spending five nights in a row together would be something I would never have noticed, cherished or even given a second thought to. But in Paris, five nights together felt like the most important time I could ever spend. I wanted every moment of it, almost scared to fill the days with too much incase time went too quickly. Of course, I knew, like I know every time, that after five days, the long distance would return, but in those moments, I felt like I had slipped back into my old life and I was reminded what normality felt like. I slept better, I felt better and I was my whole self once again.

TIPS:

1. Taxis are too expensive and so are single Metro tickets - buy one ticket that lasts five days (or however long you're staying for).

2. Paris is expensive - that's not a lie. But there are ways to save money. Sure, it would be easy to spend thousands, but there are  so many ways to cut down costs. For one, take alcohol with you. Taking alcohol with you just to drink in the hotel will save having to buy more when you're out in a bar or a restaurant, paying premium prices. 

3. Buy from local boulangeries (bakeries). We always visited little bakeries as opposed to eating breakfast in the hotel or surrounding restaurants. The food is fresher and amazing value. 

4. Just walk around. It's amazing how many places you can find by chance when you just walk around Paris. Some of the best places and restaurants we found just by roaming the streets! Explore!

5. Use local knowledge. Never be afraid to ask. For some reason, the French are deemed as rude, but what we experienced in Paris could not have been further from this stereotype. As long as you're polite, people are happy to help and are a great resource for recommendations of where to go and how to get there. 

6. Pickpocketing is real and very common in Paris - you will be told this straight away. Keep your eyes on your belongings at all times, especially in the very touristy areas like the Eiffel Tower or The Louvre. 

7. Speak French as much as you can! We spend all day everyday speaking English - you might as well speak a little French when in France!

xox